If I get old

Origin of the topic

Since arriving in Canada three months ago, I’ve made several new friends, one of them is unique—not only is he my friend, but also my teacher. Our conversations often give me new thoughts. Today, after learning more about his plan, I was reminded of something that I should have written down last year.

Of course, I will definitely write a blog post dedicated to him.

A trip in last year

In October last year, I went to JiangSu province with my wife, daughter and my parents-in-law, to show our respect for my wife’s grandfather, it was his funeral. JiangSu province is the hometown of my parents-in-law, so they have extended family members and deep relationships there. One of them is a success and businessman, who owns and operates a big nursing home for old people. Fortunately, we can live there for free during this trip.

I have to say, the environment of this nursing home is great, serene, warm and sweet. There are entire facilities, a separate dining hall, a garden, a pergola (thanks to my friend I learned this word), and some exercise equipment. The building is clean and neat, the structure of the building seems like a large hotel, on one side is a hallway with large windows, on the other side there are double rooms with separate toilets. There are several big round tables in the lobby, people can play cards and Majiang (a kind of Chinese traditional cards game) there. When the afternoon sun casts its light into the room, it makes people feel energized.

At the same time, I’ve noticed a peculiarity, no younger people here, no one was under 40, not even one. It let us be more incongruous, moreover we took a child and lived for couple of days. We often had lunch in that canteen, the price was low and without variety types. During lunch time, some of the old people always looked at me, my wife, and my daughter, with strange eyes. After I observed several times, I could feel that there were four feeling steps in their eyes. Initially, it was strange and curious, it seemed like that, why are these people here, don’t they have to work? And then it turned into a kind of jealousy, young people always have energy, vigor, and health. Thirdly, it turned into a kind of illusion of pride, they were young once, they had had vigor in the past as well. Finally, it turned into a hollow, empty, and disappointed look. It seemed like they were pondering something, without result, without end. It seemed like they were thinking what am I living for? What do I live here for? What am I eating this food for? I had no idea, but I could feel that feeling.

If I get old

Therefore, it put me in deep thought, what if I’m old too? Do I have the same feeling? Do I feel lonely? Am I jealous of young people as well? If I’m old, I have tons of time, what should I do? Just sitting on the bench and watching TV? I was looking for the deep reason why I probably feel lonely or empty, it took me about two days, and I thought that I found out the answer.

When people are lacking bilateral interaction with the social world, they will feel lonely. And it is a process, not a moment. The first step is the things that I did, but without responding. I can’t feel anything. Secondly, I will feel if I do or not, it doesn’t matter, no one cares. If that’s the case, then why am I doing it? And then I start to get suspicious, what am I living for, where is the hope? What is hope? What does it matter if I’m happy or not? Finally, I become to them, living has become a habit, eating to eat, living to live.

Some people will say they don’t lack interaction with others and the social world, the best demonstration is that they use to watch TV and listen to the radio every day, they care about the news, care about the relationship between neighbours. From my perspective, no, these are not interactions. I must claim that the meaning of bilateral interactions is two-way, timely, deterministic, and thoughtful. Watching TV, caring about the news, all of these are one-way, they just watch and listen, not speak and express. Interaction with children is not timely, they have their life. Timely means that if I throw a stone into the pond, I can see ripples in the water. Deterministic means that if I shout from the mountains, I know I’ll hear my own echo, if I plant a seed, water it and fertilize it, it’s sure to germinate. It’s a clear response, not unsure. And the last one, thoughtful, means that I need to sort of rack my brain, use my brain like a machine, instead of mechanical conditioned reflex. If you look around at all the interesting old people who are not lonely, you’ll see that they all meet these criteria.

Meanwhile, some people, even if they cannot find a way to meet every feature as I said, will do something with definitive feedback, like growing plants, feeding a pet. Because doing something with certain feedback is the best way to fight the feeling of emptiness.

If so, what do I do when I’m old? I’m preparing for this time. May be this is the reason why I’m writing my blog and making video on my channel to record my life and share my thoughts. I want to leave something for this lovely world, I want to increase my exposure to the world. All these videos and blog posts are my materials bank, a memory bank, I can use them for my presentation, or as a topic and interact with my audience in the comments section. As I said, make the most of the opportunity for making bilateral interaction with the social world.

In addition, my journey to Canada has also been very rewarding, one of my instructors is a graceful old lady, I can’t imagine if this was China, if someone could sit in front of a desk and teach students as long as she did. Meanwhile, she is very skillful in Microsoft Office operation. Another professor has his own YouTube channel, when he posted some exercises for us, he would post his link as well. I found out that the video was made by him 7 years ago. And my friend, my dear friend, I believe you must be a great professor, I will attend your course in the future. You are all the best role models I’ve ever had.

I’d like to end with a Chinese idiom called “念念不忘,必有回响”, I translate it to “make a sound, receive a respond”.