On Perfectionism

Note: This post was originally written on October 16, 2018 and published on Sina Weibo. As the platform is no longer accessible, it is now republished on my personal blog.

Opening

Based on feedback from readers, my writing has been too long and not easy to read. So from now on, each article will focus on only one idea.

This piece is about perfection. I once read an article on Zhihu by Zeng Shao, structured as a conversation with a friend. That conversation mirrored an experience I personally went through almost exactly. So I’ll restate it here from my own perspective, to talk about perfectionism.

Part 1

I had dinner with some classmates I’ve known for over a decade.

After graduation, everyone got busy with their own lives. We only meet occasionally to catch up and see how each other has been doing.

After entering the workforce, it’s rare to hear someone successfully lose weight or adopt a healthier lifestyle. Most people are simply getting further along the path of gaining weight.

Xiao S is one of them. Back in school, he was active in all kinds of sports—basketball, table tennis—and was quite good at them.

But after starting work, he gained a lot of weight. His belly started to show. Of course, being a doctor leaves very little personal time.

Not just him—LZ, the “well-built” guitar teacher, too. Ten years ago, these guys were sharp, energetic young men. Now, somehow, they’ve all joined the ranks of the overweight.

And they all share a similar pattern of thinking. They say:

“I really need to start working out, or I’ll become a typical out-of-shape middle-aged man.”

But then it becomes:

“If I’m going to work out, I need a gym membership. After that, I need proper workout gear. Once I have the gear, I need to be well-rested and energized. And the weather has to be right. And ideally I need someone to go with me, otherwise it’s hard to stay consistent…”

A long list of conditions. It’s as if only when all of them are satisfied can the plan begin.

I was thinking: with that level of perfectionism, there’s no way that belly is going away. Might as well eat more and come up with a few more conditions.

Part 2

So what exactly is perfectionism?

In my view, perfectionism is the fear of any deviation or imperfection in achieving a goal, to the point where one fabricates excuses to avoid even starting.

Take my classmate. His goal is to lose his belly, so he wants to work out. But before even stepping into a gym, he has already set up a mental framework:

“I’m here to get rid of my belly. If I don’t succeed, or if I quit halfway, then I’ve just wasted thousands of dollars.”

This mindset assumes that any unexpected outcome invalidates all effort.

What people call “perfectionism” is often just insecurity.

Before starting, they imagine quick success—but deep down, they don’t believe it. So they prepare endlessly, come up with reasons, and never act.

Perfectionists don’t accept failure. So they choose not to begin.

As the saying goes:

To avoid being hurt, many people choose not to love at all.

Part 3

I used to be deeply affected by perfectionism as well.

I believed I had to be fully prepared before starting anything.

I used to be overweight too. I wouldn’t call myself slim now, but I’ve at least figured out what matters.

In my first year of college, I actually lost weight. The physical activity was intense—military training, roller skating—real exertion. But once the novelty wore off, sitting at a computer became more appealing. After graduation, the weight came back.

Still, I kept telling myself: I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

A few years later, before getting married, I saw myself in photos and felt a strong sense of disgust. So I decided to swim, to train. But in the beginning, I made the same perfectionist mistake: everything had to be ready—gear, timing, conditions—before I could start.

Either start perfectly, or don’t start at all.

I thought that was a strong, disciplined mindset. In reality, it slowly drained my motivation.

After two or three months, I had only lost five kilograms—and then progress stopped.

Later, I hired a personal trainer, Ma Ge, and committed fully. What mattered wasn’t the trainer himself, but what he made me understand:

There is no such thing as perfect conditions.

Whenever I said I wasn’t in the right “state” or my muscles were sore, he’d say: stop pretending, just lift.

No gloves? No knee support? Doesn’t matter. Lift.

Gradually, I realized that satisfaction doesn’t come from perfect conditions—it comes from facing and overcoming obstacles.

Only by starting do you encounter real problems. Only by preparing to deal with difficulty can you avoid giving up over trivial issues.

What you call perfectionism is just a lack of confidence.

Stop dressing it up as something else.

Even hearing those excuses should make you uncomfortable.

That realization hit me hard. Most of my perfectionism was simply insecurity.

From then on, I abandoned the idea of waiting for perfect conditions and accepted that setbacks are part of the process.

Only by doing can you find workable solutions. Endless imagining leads nowhere.

Part 4

If you find yourself trapped in perfectionism, unable to break free:

Try adjusting your mindset.

First, accept your imperfections. Accept who you are.

Anything worth doing involves difficulty, fluctuation, and setbacks. Nothing is achieved in one step. Accepting this is the first step to overcoming perfectionism.

Studying for half an hour will involve distractions. That’s normal—don’t quit because of it.

Training for a year will include lazy days and overeating. That’s normal—don’t abandon the goal because of it.

Second, solutions are always more numerous than problems.

Believing this prevents overreaction to minor obstacles.

Perfectionists often show more aggression, because they don’t have a built-in approach to solving problems. When things go wrong, they either blame themselves for not preparing enough or shift responsibility to others.

Third, act. Start now. Stop waiting for perfection.

No need to elaborate further.

Hope this helps.